I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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