I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
