So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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