Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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