the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
