She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
