I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
