My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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