Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
