You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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