Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
