Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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