Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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