her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do herpes really smell.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
