i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
