Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
