i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
