hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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