Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
