y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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