You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
