How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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