I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
