if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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