I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i think my cat just said my name.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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