I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
