dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
