I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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