He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize