I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
