There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
