Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
