I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
