We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
