Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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