if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
