HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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