Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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