So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
