We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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