I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
