he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
