what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
