even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
