Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
