but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
