bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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