Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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