wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize