OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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