So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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