is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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