So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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