I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
