Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
