Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
