Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
