I think I won the penis lottery.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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