Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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