you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
