she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
