You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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