So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
