i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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