unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize