the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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