he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
